Enjoying The Holidays As A Single Person

When I was a child, I loved the holidays. There seemed to be a perpetual smell of cookie dough that lingered in the air. People who were grumpy year round somehow found it in themselves to smile at me and they had a peppier bounce in their walk. The store windows where filled with the promise of a fun and happiness that beckoned me from the inside of the department store - and the only thing standing between me and unimaginable pleasure was a double-paned store glass window.

But in reality, that glass was not the only obstacle in my young life that prevented me from celebrating the holidays in style; my family was poor both in money and in spirit. And the pressures that this season can bring to those whose lives do not match the beautiful displays of holiday abundance can break what little spirit remains.

Holidays have now traditionally become a time when depression is at an all-time-high for many. And there is never a shortage of television advertisements, movies, magazine ads, or work colleagues, to remind us of just how little we have when it comes to material wealth or personal relationships.

I learned at a young age that the only way I could make this season bright was to take a more positive slant on the situation. If I couldn’t have the joy in the store windows, I could have my own brand of joy in the form of changing my attitude. This was something I could afford, and it didn’t involve buying something now and paying for it later. It simply involved looking at things that I had overlooked year round and finding ways of appreciating it anew. But most important, I decided that if someone else did not share my enthusiasm regarding my new ‘’attitude’’, well, that would have to be his or her problem to deal with. Not mine.

How to change your life script:
One way to take control over a holiday situation that feels like it’s out of your hands is to make the decision that no one, not even your sister, brother, mother, father, step relatives, in-laws, pastor, children, or pets, is going to make you feel anything negative. Knowing that the decision comes from you, and only you, can make the most powerful change in the most minor circumstances.

This doesn’t mean you have to acquiesce to a parent’s desire to have you remain a five-year-old trapped in a 20, 30, 40, or 50 year-old body. It means deciding how you personally want to deal with the situation and committing yourself happily to that choice. Even if that choice is for you to stay at your own home and phone-in your holiday wishes to your family instead of delivering the greetings in person. Don’t let anyone convince you that you are not honoring the true meaning of the season simply because you have chosen an alternative way of expressing the holidays. It is much easier to put a bit of joy into others’ lives when there is much joy in your own life. And remember, that ‘’joy’’ can be something as simple as knowing, in your heart, that you make a difference on this planet, no matter what your circumstances may be.

Having Fun

Why do we take fun so seriously these days? Somewhere between our first finger painted masterpiece in kindergarten and today, our ‘’fun-meter’’ got stuck. Sure, getting older may be a factor in the shelf life of our ability to do many things – but what ever happened to the ‘’older, but wiser’’ philosophy? And, why can’t it apply to just having a good time? We need to throw away this tired outlook and reclaim our enthusiasm for fun, fun, and fun! And I’m not talking about the kind of reckless, self-involved fun that gets you thrown in an exclusive jail for 45 days – I’m talking about being able to throw your head back in laughter and really having a good time.

Single people are often confronted with having the idea of fun defined by married friends or ‘’shiny, happy’’ couples who claim to have their best interest at heart. In their attempts to keep the single person from facing a lifetime of loneliness and cooking for one, fun becomes a monster to be tamed.

But why does being single mean having to cope with loneliness? The answer is, it doesn’t. Fun is about ‘’fun’’. Just that and nothing more. Fun is doing what makes you happy and puts a smile on your face. It’s about letting go of being afraid and taking risk, maybe doing something new may bring you happiness. When you are having fun, you are at your best. And, as a single person, I’m here to tell you that fun is no monster, it’s just having fun, and nothing else.

What is your definition for fun? I have discovered that I have the most fun when I keep it simple. With the insane gas prices and money being tight, I’ve discovered more things to do that cost little and bring a lot of joy to an evening or day. I like having ‘’Movie Nights’’ with friends where we choose a film for that week; everybody makes food and drink for the evening. It’s a great way to check in with friends and make certain that you spend some time together. While you can have just as much fun watching a good film on your own and enjoying a nice dinner, the pleasure of sharing with others is unparalleled.

Does this mean that being alone or sharing the evening with your darling pet just doesn’t add up? Absolutely not. Being alone, and feeling comfortable in your own company does not mean that you are finding substitutes for the company of others. It simply means that you have more options than someone who has responsibilities to others. Moreover, it indicates that you have a healthy attitude and enjoy your own company as well as that of others.

In my opinion, the simpler you keep the concept of ‘’fun’’, the less seriously you will take it. Getting older shouldn’t have to be complicated and difficult. And if you want to take up finger painting as an adult, do it - but make certain that you have a good laugh in the process too.

Single and Confident

Do you find yourself worrying what others think about you? When someone tells you to reconsider your ideas, do you stop in your tracks and reconsider your decisions? Maybe it’s just a passing comment about your choice of friends, career change, or your desire to remain single for now. Just remember, no matter what you do in life, there will always be people who don’t like you or the choices you’ve made. Everyone should simply learn to take criticism and move on. But single people must make it a priority in their lives to stop caring what other people think.

While it can be difficult, or even painful when others disapprove of our behavior and exclude us, it becomes just as hard to try living up to standards set by others. These standards may be contradictory to our emotional or physical well-being. The price we end up paying for living our lives according to someone else’s rules can prove to be dangerous. It can lead to depression and a crippling sense of unworthiness.

Take Criticism and Move On -

Get a different outlook on the situation. If someone disapproves of you, try to realize that it may have more to do with their view of the world than it does with you. However, if you look at the situation and feel that they may have a point, it is important to remember that the criticism is about what you’ve done, not about who you are.

Although it is normal to care about the thoughts of those you love, understand that sometimes their condemnation may be their own feelings of jealousy or insecurity. Always take a step back and get perspective on the situation.

It may be worth asking yourself the question ‘’ Why is their opinion of me more important than my own?’’ When you answer this question honestly and find that the answer is ‘‘it is not more important’’ then you just may be surprised at how good it feels to let go of the worry.

Take a risk and loose the habit of being dependent on the approval of others. It may feel dangerous at first to start letting the opinions of others roll-off-your-back, but before you know it, you’ll be free from the fear of disappointing the world. Step into the unknown and let go of the habit of taking someone else’s opinion above your own.

Simple Strategies for a Happier Single Life

If you had to write down a motto that described your single life philosophy, what would it be? ‘’Single life is not for the faint hearted?’’ ‘’One day at a time?’’ Sometimes, when we are going on with our everyday lives, a wave of unhappiness can come at us out of nowhere and send us into a fit of uncertainty or depression. Yes, unhappiness can creep up on you even while you are busy going on with your life. It can cause you to change your previous motto from ‘’ If I’m unhappy, I can make some positive changes’’ to ‘’ What’s the point?’’

When being single makes you feel lonely and depressed it is time to go through some of the endless possibilities of change that can bring happiness into your life. Knowing the freedom that being single brings can actually be exhilarating and liberating. The fact is, when you are single you do not have to consult any person, other than yourself, when you want to make important decisions that will change your life for the better. Being single gives you this kind of freedom, and with freedom comes personal responsibility.

But it is important to note, that if you take the motto ‘’ If you’re unhappy, it’s time to make some positive changes’’ that you do not make those ‘’changes’’ quickly. By going too fast it may lead to making some decisions that you may later regret. While the first idea that pops into your head may be the simplest, it may not address the root of the issues. Finding the underlying cause of your unhappiness is imperative and sometimes it may take getting some distance from your daily life to get the perspective you need.

5 Simple Strategies to Help Guide You to Greater Happiness:

1. Take a day trip or schedule a weekend spa getaway with the objective being to mull over the things in your life that are not working for you as a single person. Buy a special notebook, something beautiful and personal, and use this book to keep a journal of your thoughts and any decisions you make. Taking a break from your daily life enables you to get a better perspective on your life.

2. Get a pet. If you have the kind of job whose hours make it possible to have a pet, then by all means, get a pet. There is no better way to bring you out of your funk than having a wonderful critter to care for. However, if you simply do not have any extra time to devote to the care of a pet, then find something that can make you feel needed and only requires the time that you have available. This can be houseplants, a small herb garden, or, if you are a computer person, a ‘’virtual’’ pet that you can adopt online.
The important thing to remember is that you must look for changes in your life that will make you less focused on being alone, and more focused on being happy.

3. If you do not like sleeping alone, then treat yourself to a ‘’snuggle-buddy’’ pillow. These are pillows that you can curl your arms and legs around, or you can curl up into them in the same way that you would snuggle into the arms of a partner. Now, I can already hear the gasps of ‘’is she kidding?’’ No, I am not. One of the things I missed the most was snuggling up to a warm body and drifting off to sleep. However, when I made the investment in getting one of these pillows, I found that I slept much better and I rarely thought about the fact that I was sleeping alone. Try it. You may like it.

4. Exercise, exercise, exercise! I cannot emphasize this enough. Even if you can only spare ten minutes a day, do something. Get your body moving. You will feel so much better having done so. Moreover, if you are truly motivated, decide today that you will prepare for a marathon of some sort. Volunteer to walk for a cause, or get a DVD and make a personalized workout plan all your own.

5. Lastly, include in your strategy a game plan to take better care of yourself. This may be the most important choice you make. Being healthy will make you feel happier, and when you feel better, you make better choices in your life. Instead of spending time thinking about what you do not have in your life, take the time to care for your wellbeing. Set up a space in your home or apartment that is devoted entirely to your personal growth and health. Whether you use this space for meditation, or as a place to sit and read books about better nutrition – use a portion of your day, and a section in your home, just for you.

Having a happier single life is really up to you. But, you must decide that you are worth the time and energy it will take to create a personal motto that will motivate you to strive for feeling less lonely and less out of sorts. Decide now to feel more joy and happiness, and it will become a reality.

Single and Dating Again

The rules for dating etiquette are constantly changing. What I’m supposed to know and when I’m supposed to know it when it comes to starting all over again. And this uncertainty can make it fertile ground for self-doubt. If I’m not careful enough to keep perspective on my objectives and who I know myself to be, I can quite easily loose my footing and tumble into the abyss of ‘’fear.’’

But even having said this, I still find that it is easy to feel insecure when we are wandering though new territories.

We found comfort in taking a step back and looking at the state of affairs from a different vantage point. The foundations of our confidence must be built on concrete beliefs; otherwise, that foundation will crumble like sand at the first sign of trouble.

Accepting being single

Sometimes, being a single woman can present difficulties when it comes to how we are viewed in the eyes of our friends and loved ones. Often there is considerable pressure on the single person to find a mate or to at least show interest in being part of a couple by flirting or acting as though being single is not really part of their plans in life. The very people who say they care for us can inadvertently cause us to feel as though we are being identified by our association with a mate. This is a huge burden for anyone to bear, let alone the single college student, single mother, the recently divorced, widowed, or recently separated. Therefore, it is important to remind yourself that marriage, flirting, or dating when not ready, is not for everyone and should not become an option taken by force. Even if the ‘’force’’ is coming from us.

While it can be extremely difficult to deal with being the ‘’odd woman out’’ when all your friends are now beginning to ‘’date’’, it becomes even harder to fend off the questions about your ‘’singleness’’ that come at you from your newly ‘’coupled’’ buddies. It is at this moment that you must step back from the situation that is affecting you. Look deep within at what is truly going on. How do these inquiries about why you are not ‘’dating,’’ ‘’flirting,’’ or ‘’getting marriage proposals,’’ make you feel about your life? If these questions start making you uncomfortable about being single, or worse, if they make you feel ‘’less’’ about yourself, then it is time for a self-esteem makeover.

When our self esteem is solid and we are centered, no question can knock us off our foundation. It doesn’t matter whom is doing the asking, we know our own worth, and we know that it does not lie in whether we are single or not. This is the time that you ought to ask yourself some even harder questions. You have to learn to value yourself first, and then you will realize that no matter what others say, think, or feel about you will have little effect on the image you have of yourself. The most important relationship in anyone’s life is the one we have with ourselves.

Single people in particular, must learn to fundamentally like and value themselves as they are, now. When we build a healthy self-esteem, it changes the way we feel about ourselves and show ourselves to others. We need to become someone that we value and to let others see us in the same way.

self-awareness

Self-Awareness for Singles
Loosing track of your self-awareness is an easy thing to do these days. There are so many things going on in the world and in our own private worlds that gaining a perspective on it all can feel downright daunting. In order to gain a deeper and more meaningful knowledge of ourselves, we need to ask some difficult questions.

How would you rate your self-awareness about your relationships, both romantic and non-romantic? Do you rate them similarly, or separately? What about your relationship with the various members of your family? How about your community? Or simply, how would you rate your self-awareness in general?

Questioning yourself can become an important tool in raising your level of awareness and gaining control of your life as a happily single person. However, the questions you ask need to be honest with no concern as to how others may perceive your answers. They should be questions that challenge you in a way that makes it easier to know whom you really are deep inside. Because without this self-knowledge it is difficult to learn from our pasts, to accept and love the people we are, and to make the changes we want to make in our lives.

Moreover, look deep within at the behaviors that determine certain results in your life. It is essential that you do not judge yourself too harshly if you come upon something that you do not like. Simply look at it for what it is; behavior, and know that you can make the changes, no matter how difficult, that will set you on a path to a better you.

Some meaningful questions you may wish to begin with could be about your current career. Is it what you envisioned for your future? Or is there something more interesting that stirs your passion? What about your spiritual life or financial status? Get creative and let your mind go free. There are no good or bad inquiries. The possibilities are endless as are the joys and freedom a high level of self-awareness brings.

Start with the simple ones first and move to the deeper and more difficult ones to answer. For example:

Friends:
Do the people I surround myself with support me? Or do they drain me of my energy?
Am I satisfied with the time we spend together?

Intimate Relationships:
Am I satisfied with the men/women I date?
Am I being honest with myself about the kinds of relationships I want?
How would I really feel if I never meet ‘’Mr. or Ms.’’ Right?
Am I settling for what I don’t want simply to avoid being alone?

Career:
Am I enjoying the job that I have?
How is my attitude towards my colleagues?
Am I doing this because I want to? Or, am I doing this because I have to?
Am I being realistic about my work goals?
If I’m not doing what I truly love, is there some way to make it better?

Spiritual:
What are my spiritual beliefs?
Is this an important aspect of my life?
How important is it that my potential mate shares my beliefs in this area?

Financial:
How important is money to my idea of myself?
How important is money when selecting my potential mate?
If my potential mate earns more/less than I do, will it matter?
Do I feel that I am paid adequately for the work I do?

Self-awareness flows into every aspect of our lives. It is imperative to our happiness and well being that we understand, love, and accept who we are before we can even begin to think about sharing our selves with others. So, I encourage you to take a leap, look at yourself in the mirror, and keep exploring until you find the person whom you have always wanted to be. And reach out and give her/him a big hug for taking that step forward.

Finding your direction

Being newly single can be a refreshing period. It can be a time to discover your passions or pursue a dream. It’s a time to rekindle your ardent desire to achieve your life goals.

When a major change takes place in life, such as becoming single again, it can be easy to convince yourself that you have no control over your life or the circumstances. This kind of thinking can stop you from examining the very passions that drive your dreams and goals. You may then abandon your goals accordingly. But when you dwell on negatives instead of focusing on the positive aspects of your life you can get bogged down and begin to loose perspective on your self-worth. Don’t get stuck in a rut of fear! Take back control of your life and you will see that you have more options than you thought possible.

Rediscover the things you feel strongly about. Ask yourself what causes inspire you to greatness. What would you like to do that would showcase your unique talent? Don’t be afraid to embrace this new change in your life and go forward in full force with confidence. Beginning again doesn’t denote failure but rather an opportunity to find a new direction. Now is the time to reawaken that sense of purpose that resides in us all.

Whether your passion is on a grand scale and you want to save the world’s children from hunger and poverty. Or, you simply want to create the grandest book club in your neighborhood - it is never too late to be inspired by fearless ideas and a personal sense of purpose.

Get a notebook and start writing down thoughts of what you see as your strengths. If you need help building your list, ask your friends and family what they most admire, or envy, about you and write it down in your book. Think about which situations make you feel most ‘’yourself’’ and then take action. Look at what resources you have to offer others. Then make it happen! Don’t wait for outside inspiration. Play to your inner strengths.

Reaffirm a positive outlook on life and embrace the new situation with a revitalized enthusiasm. Make a point of doing things that make you laugh or things that make you feel that you are doing something useful. Feeling directionless can cloud your ability to see positives when you’re in the center of a transformation. Take the steps that will lead you in a new direction.

Freedom

Look at just how liberating being single can be. It is can be fulfilling, rich and exciting. We all have a responsibility to ourselves to be the best people we can and most important, to love ourselves. Unconditionally.

Some of the best points about being single are making choices for you based on what you want and need without the influence of another. Learn to enjoy your life. As it is, right now. Nothing is more important than you feel good. And being single is indeed something to feel good about.

Be Single, Be Happy

Sometimes being single and living alone can feel like a negative rather than a positive choice. It can feel isolating when coming home to an empty house. Or, the lack of intimacy in a life without a relationship may seem like the worse part of living by yourself.

The frustration of finding alternatives to companionship can cloud your focus on personal fulfillment and leave you feeling lonesome. It doesn’t matter which aspect seems negative, loneliness matters as much as other issues and should not be ignored. So, when being alone starts to feel like something less than a positive choice - it is time to find good healthy reasons why being single can be a stabilizing and harmonious experience.

I find that when I’m feeling pessimistic about something in my life it is usually because of fear. While many people are not afraid of being alone, fear can creep up on you when least expected. It may appear because you had a bad day at the office, car problems, or exchanged angry words with a friend. Things that may be unrelated to your status as a single person can magnify any negatives you unconsciously feel about living alone. Trepidation can get out of control if left unchecked. And before you know it, you may find yourself in a panic about your life.

Focus on personal fulfillment.

Many single people value independence rather than interdependence. It is important to look for alternatives that empower us and not let fear take hold. You don’t have to have lots of money or a relationship in order to make your life fulfilling and harmonious. Many times, everything you need is right within your reach.