self-awareness

Self-Awareness for Singles
Loosing track of your self-awareness is an easy thing to do these days. There are so many things going on in the world and in our own private worlds that gaining a perspective on it all can feel downright daunting. In order to gain a deeper and more meaningful knowledge of ourselves, we need to ask some difficult questions.

How would you rate your self-awareness about your relationships, both romantic and non-romantic? Do you rate them similarly, or separately? What about your relationship with the various members of your family? How about your community? Or simply, how would you rate your self-awareness in general?

Questioning yourself can become an important tool in raising your level of awareness and gaining control of your life as a happily single person. However, the questions you ask need to be honest with no concern as to how others may perceive your answers. They should be questions that challenge you in a way that makes it easier to know whom you really are deep inside. Because without this self-knowledge it is difficult to learn from our pasts, to accept and love the people we are, and to make the changes we want to make in our lives.

Moreover, look deep within at the behaviors that determine certain results in your life. It is essential that you do not judge yourself too harshly if you come upon something that you do not like. Simply look at it for what it is; behavior, and know that you can make the changes, no matter how difficult, that will set you on a path to a better you.

Some meaningful questions you may wish to begin with could be about your current career. Is it what you envisioned for your future? Or is there something more interesting that stirs your passion? What about your spiritual life or financial status? Get creative and let your mind go free. There are no good or bad inquiries. The possibilities are endless as are the joys and freedom a high level of self-awareness brings.

Start with the simple ones first and move to the deeper and more difficult ones to answer. For example:

Friends:
Do the people I surround myself with support me? Or do they drain me of my energy?
Am I satisfied with the time we spend together?

Intimate Relationships:
Am I satisfied with the men/women I date?
Am I being honest with myself about the kinds of relationships I want?
How would I really feel if I never meet ‘’Mr. or Ms.’’ Right?
Am I settling for what I don’t want simply to avoid being alone?

Career:
Am I enjoying the job that I have?
How is my attitude towards my colleagues?
Am I doing this because I want to? Or, am I doing this because I have to?
Am I being realistic about my work goals?
If I’m not doing what I truly love, is there some way to make it better?

Spiritual:
What are my spiritual beliefs?
Is this an important aspect of my life?
How important is it that my potential mate shares my beliefs in this area?

Financial:
How important is money to my idea of myself?
How important is money when selecting my potential mate?
If my potential mate earns more/less than I do, will it matter?
Do I feel that I am paid adequately for the work I do?

Self-awareness flows into every aspect of our lives. It is imperative to our happiness and well being that we understand, love, and accept who we are before we can even begin to think about sharing our selves with others. So, I encourage you to take a leap, look at yourself in the mirror, and keep exploring until you find the person whom you have always wanted to be. And reach out and give her/him a big hug for taking that step forward.

Independence

It’s time for that ‘Attitude Change’’ you have been talking to your friends about since New Year’s. And what better time to jump-start the process than Independence Day? There is something about being able to start over that motivates us to pause and reflect on our life – right now, as it is as well as how we would like it to be. Yet, how often do you look at the direction your life is taking and say to yourself ‘’how did I get here?’’ What happened to all those resolutions from the start of the New Year?

Many of us have difficulty following through on the promises we make to ourselves due to factors such as choosing unrealistic goals and lacking the necessary motivation to stick with them. But, now is a brand new day, and you can begin again to restructure your goals and kick-start your inner motivational coach.

Here are a few tips to help start you in the right direction of staying committed to your most important goal – independence from self-doubt.

1. Start with a life vision

It may sound corny, but if you don’t know what you want your future to look like, it will be impossible to know what parts of your life you need to change. Start by reflecting on what you like about your life, and what areas need a little ‘’makeover.’’

2. Get rid of clutter!

Clear it all away. Go through old files, bills, decades of paperwork, and storage containers. Decide what is necessary to keep, and what you can either throw away, or give away to a local charity. Try not to get too sentimental during this time. Think of the task as a way of clearing the slate for a whole new life, and let go of those things you no longer need. Once you have cleaned everything out, create a new system that is based on being more organized, and stick to it.

3. Take a class in something you love doing and learn something new.

Giving yourself the challenge of doing something new will infuse you with greater energy and sense of purpose. This will go a long way in helping build your self-esteem and boost your self-confidence while giving you powerful new tools to assist you in your career change, or in your personal love life.

4. Write down your goals

Write your goals on sticky notes and paste them on your refrigerator, bathroom mirror, and the dashboard of your car, your office desk, everywhere. Put them in places where you will see them everyday and look at them often. Keep them up until they are firmly placed in your mind and this will encourage you to achieve each one.

5. Create an action plan for each goal.

Write down your plan, step-by-step, and keep track of your progress for each. Any changes you decide to make but do not include planned action will be doomed to failure. Create dates for completion in order to help ensure success. Hold yourself accountable to make certain that you accomplish each plan of action to its desired result. Don’t forget to reward yourself, in a healthy way, when you have achieved each goal.

6. Get healthy!

Take care of yourself; eat well, exercise regularly and learn to control and eliminate unhealthy stress. While this tip may seem obvious to some, it can be one of the hardest to achieve. When you do not make time for eating healthier foods, exercising, or getting a good night’s sleep, you are not caring for yourself and setting yourself and ultimately setting yourself up for failure. Make this an important part of your new life.

7. Get rid of bad habits

Bad habits will sabotage your success and rob you of valuable time, money, and energy. Make a list of all the unhealthy, bad habits you want to change, and replace them with good, healthy ones instead. Learn to know your limits and enforce them with yourself and others. Learn to say ‘’no’’ and stick to your resolve.
When you rid yourself of bad habits you will learn to focus on your best qualities and this will help ensure that you attract people with the best qualities into your life . . . and who knows? One of those people may end up becoming a potential mate.

Remember; set realistic goals and challenges for yourself. Stretch your mental and physical muscles and go for the life you know you deserve.

Clear Your Clutter

There is just something about the warm weather, blooming flowers, and sunny days that make me want to start anew. It is time to make your life clear and fresh with less home-clutter and even less mind-clutter.

Over the years I have discovered that this is the exact same feeling I get when I’m doing something I love, like writing or painting, falling in love, or getting rid of a relationship that seems more toxic than tonic. Clutter can sneak up on you over time, and when you are single and there isn’t anyone around to help keep you in check about the amount of stuff filling your rooms, it’s easy to find yourself feeling unfocused and unhappy. So, here are a few tips to help you keep a close check on your inner and outer clutter magnet:

1. Let go of out-dated items. If you have lots of clothing that you haven’t worn for at least a year, take it to a salvation store. Or, if you have items that can be sold at a consignment shop, take them in too.

2. Get rid of negative people in your life. They are the ones who make a point of bringing you down and never seem to have a nice word of encouragement. It’s time to say good-bye. These kinds of people are like parasites sucking away at your self-esteem and zest. Make it a clean break and don’t worry about their well-being – they will always find another ‘’host’’ to feed from.

3. Sell those old DVD’s and CD’s that you no longer listen to or watch. Download the music onto your computer, or compile then onto as few discs as possible. Sell the originals and use the extra cash to buy paint for your new office or bedroom.

4. Get active! Nothing makes you feel greater than the feeling you will have when you find a purpose in life. Finding time to help strangers, family, or friends, will do wonders for your mood. If you have extra time during the week or at weekends, volunteer your time to some lonely shut-ins, or a teenager who is in need of a mentor. If you have a marketable skill and are good with people, hire out your services to companies or schools who may need your expertise. One of the joys of being single is that you don’t have to report to anyone but yourself at the end of the day. Moreover, those days can be as full or as relaxed as you deem them.

5. Take up a new language or other interesting hobby. However, always make certain that you have time to follow it through. The purpose of starting out fresh is to make you feel optimistic and hopeful, so you want to verify that you have the time, energy, or money needed to make this a reality instead of something that will cause you more headaches and stress.

6. Open your life to healthy and happy relationships. Don’t cling to an old flame. Let them go! Don’t hold onto fear either, nothing positive ever happens when you hold on to things you no longer need. Besides, you have lots more adventures ahead of you for the next ‘’spring cleaning’’ time.

Whatever you decide to do, make certain that you have fun. The purpose of spring-cleaning is to make room for better things in your life. So, open up those doors, throw out the old, and let the fresh and new back into your life.

Finding your direction

Being newly single can be a refreshing period. It can be a time to discover your passions or pursue a dream. It’s a time to rekindle your ardent desire to achieve your life goals.

When a major change takes place in life, such as becoming single again, it can be easy to convince yourself that you have no control over your life or the circumstances. This kind of thinking can stop you from examining the very passions that drive your dreams and goals. You may then abandon your goals accordingly. But when you dwell on negatives instead of focusing on the positive aspects of your life you can get bogged down and begin to loose perspective on your self-worth. Don’t get stuck in a rut of fear! Take back control of your life and you will see that you have more options than you thought possible.

Rediscover the things you feel strongly about. Ask yourself what causes inspire you to greatness. What would you like to do that would showcase your unique talent? Don’t be afraid to embrace this new change in your life and go forward in full force with confidence. Beginning again doesn’t denote failure but rather an opportunity to find a new direction. Now is the time to reawaken that sense of purpose that resides in us all.

Whether your passion is on a grand scale and you want to save the world’s children from hunger and poverty. Or, you simply want to create the grandest book club in your neighborhood - it is never too late to be inspired by fearless ideas and a personal sense of purpose.

Get a notebook and start writing down thoughts of what you see as your strengths. If you need help building your list, ask your friends and family what they most admire, or envy, about you and write it down in your book. Think about which situations make you feel most ‘’yourself’’ and then take action. Look at what resources you have to offer others. Then make it happen! Don’t wait for outside inspiration. Play to your inner strengths.

Reaffirm a positive outlook on life and embrace the new situation with a revitalized enthusiasm. Make a point of doing things that make you laugh or things that make you feel that you are doing something useful. Feeling directionless can cloud your ability to see positives when you’re in the center of a transformation. Take the steps that will lead you in a new direction.

Freedom

Look at just how liberating being single can be. It is can be fulfilling, rich and exciting. We all have a responsibility to ourselves to be the best people we can and most important, to love ourselves. Unconditionally.

Some of the best points about being single are making choices for you based on what you want and need without the influence of another. Learn to enjoy your life. As it is, right now. Nothing is more important than you feel good. And being single is indeed something to feel good about.

Be Single, Be Happy

Sometimes being single and living alone can feel like a negative rather than a positive choice. It can feel isolating when coming home to an empty house. Or, the lack of intimacy in a life without a relationship may seem like the worse part of living by yourself.

The frustration of finding alternatives to companionship can cloud your focus on personal fulfillment and leave you feeling lonesome. It doesn’t matter which aspect seems negative, loneliness matters as much as other issues and should not be ignored. So, when being alone starts to feel like something less than a positive choice - it is time to find good healthy reasons why being single can be a stabilizing and harmonious experience.

I find that when I’m feeling pessimistic about something in my life it is usually because of fear. While many people are not afraid of being alone, fear can creep up on you when least expected. It may appear because you had a bad day at the office, car problems, or exchanged angry words with a friend. Things that may be unrelated to your status as a single person can magnify any negatives you unconsciously feel about living alone. Trepidation can get out of control if left unchecked. And before you know it, you may find yourself in a panic about your life.

Focus on personal fulfillment.

Many single people value independence rather than interdependence. It is important to look for alternatives that empower us and not let fear take hold. You don’t have to have lots of money or a relationship in order to make your life fulfilling and harmonious. Many times, everything you need is right within your reach.